i never realized letting go of someone was so hard, because I’ve never wanted to let go like this before. feeling the emptiness i did is too much for one over romanticized brain to handle.
we had movie moments, in which i was sure he was the rest of my happiness, but then dark clouds rolled over our sunny skies and reality poured down on us.
“cut the corners if you’d like to.”
the Limpness In my personality waits for no one and changes with every changing tide. No wonder I’m so angry all the time, you’ve taken all my experiences & made the arguments invalid, causing pain in my chest to radiate towards the only other source. You have this way with everything & it makes me want to be something better, but not because you bullied me into it, because I don’t want to see disappointment written all over everyones face.
this kind of situation makes me want to peel the skin off my face,
surrounded by all the people who care to see,
this uncertain balance between what we want & what you need.
I know the disappointment on my face showed through,
but i took your word for it when you said,
” I’m a long term or no term kinda guy ”
I appeared prepared for everything but this,
and my kick-start antic was flight, not fight,
So i’ll wrap my head around reason,
Maybe I’ll keep praying to this God that I
can’t seem to believe in.
I’m still awake sitting in your head-space all alone I read volume after volume of lost pages.
..wrap my hands around everything personal of yours,
describing what i’ve lost as i undress the duress of my past lives.
for it seems i’ve lived a thousand over.
in reality we are strangers and i have only failed myself once again,
giving into the loneliness that cuts so fine,
a paper cut under my tongue.
i asked you to never make me feel inadequate,
but it still happens and i feel as though perhaps i do it to myself.
i think i can fore-date this, because i live in such a state
that time doesn’t seem to exist the same way anymore.
3 am is the new midnight after working all night.
who knows how long i can do this,
but i guess we shall see.
you on the other hand, have left bruises in places
of wonderful content,
hovering above my keys alone in this room i already wonder about
how terrified i feel that you can see into my soul.
thats not the first time that quote has shown up on my dash after my voice has reverberated around a bar full of people i take to not be listening to me.
its quiet for the first time in a while,
as the voices grow louder around me,
the words in italics
actually fall from someone’s lips
& they aren’t just assumptions of
a conceited lonely girl.
that’s right, i forgot you only like to talk to me when you can hide your secrets from her…
Excuse me for spamming all of your Dash’s with the Bah humbug Rant of the Valentines Holiday. Last year I went ALL OUT for my ex-fiance. (see VULTURES); we were pretty short on cash, so I spent the whole day cookingg and cleaning our apartment. (the WHOLE apartment-kitchen,bedroom,bathroom) I also spent some time cutting out paper hearts which i put on the walls. I even made some with arrows, so it was like a treasure hunt. I lit candles and was super cheesy. but he definately didn’t notice. thats when i knew somethingg was up.
so this year. I am havingg a joke Valentine, & i shall spend the day indulging in sappy chick flicks so i don’t feel bad crying over unworn Engagement Rings.